I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
