my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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