it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
