It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
