I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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