stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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