how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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