the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
