All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
