i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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