you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
