I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
