Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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