why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
