Pants 0. Shit 1.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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