that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
