If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
