What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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