I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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