you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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