youre lurking in front of me
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
