They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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