I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
