THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
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She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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