Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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