I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
