note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
