i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I haven't been this sober since birth.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
