this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
