ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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