please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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