believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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