i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
