The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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