sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
never play flip cup with pint glasses
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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