New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
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Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
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I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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