S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
