I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Randomize