You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
