My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
