so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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