She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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