thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
