Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
