You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
why is half of my head shaved?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
