So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
