After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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