Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
