I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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