I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
