I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It's Friday. Sex?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
