either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
