I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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