So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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