his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
