Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The chlamydia really affected his face.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
