Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
