dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
