I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
