I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
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You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
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I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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