OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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