Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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