Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
don't judge my taste in strippers
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
