I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
