The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
