One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
