he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
