The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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