Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
