Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
