alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
