Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
