I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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