the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
