I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I need moral support for this bender
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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