Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
