erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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